Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Family Values. The Road Show!

Everyone loves to talk about the South and how friendly everyone is. I'm not so sure I'm totally buying it just now.

At least when they're driving.

Something goes horribly wrong once everyone is safely atop their SUV's and behind all those "support out troops" ribbons and "W—Still the president!" stickers. Those are my favorites. I mean, gloating is a good positive trait we want to instill in the next generation, right? That's a real "uniter", that one. Let's see a picture of one of those now!


But I digress.

So here's a couple of etiquette pointers for my good friends in the genteel ATL:

• When someone yields their lane to you (which of course they're under no obligation to do), letting you get in front of them, there's nothing wrong with a little wave. It's not even that hard. Yet no one does it. What's up? My mom will even mouth "thank you." She usually waves a couple times too and gives the "oops, sorry" shrug. But then again, she's not just talk. She really is nice.

• Despite the fact I drive a small German car with Texas plates, I don't remember putting a bumper sticker on her that says "Please get as close as you possibly can to my rear bumper. Seriously. In fact, if your car is mega-huge (and whose isn't, right?), see if you can get that sumbitch right up in my backseat. 'Cause I'm probably not gonna stop anytime soon. Probably. Maybe. Bonus points if it's a downpour and the roads are slick like grease." God help me if I did have that sticker 'cause that would be one less-than-catchy bumper sticker. Sales would be slow on that particular model.

• And this is neither here nor there but you might as well go ahead and get on the ol' cell phone. No one to call? Oh come on! There's got to be someone! Dialing, people! I want to see dialing! And none of that lame "hands-free" stuff some states require by law. Let's die the way WE want: talking!

So let's turn down the Rush, put down our bibles and the day's "talking points" and focus on doing unto others as we'd have them do unto us.

Feel like I read that somewhere.

Maybe I'm just too nice and crippling empathetic to hack it here.

Ya'll be good now. I'll see you out there in the morning.


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