Thursday, September 13, 2007

A letter from 50 Cent to Kanye West regarding his new album

Kanye,

Look, for all the hype, it appears your record is better than mine. Whoopity-do! Good for you. You do realize it’s my birthday, don’t you? I trust you do and I don’t think it’s personal by any means but let me also ask you this, how many times have you been shot? Have you ever been? Are you even from the ‘hood? You know, a lot of people don’t know this but I was actually shot nine times. Nine. I know, it’s a lot of shells to be hit with. Bad luck mostly. In fact, it’s sometimes hard for me to believe I could be that unlucky. But the funniest thing is that despite being shot nine times, I don’t walk with a limp. And yet you’ve never been shot but have the #1 album in the country. Hmm, weird.

Whatever. To each his own. But I mean, who’s laying down the beats on “Stronger?” Is that Daft Punk or Air? I didn’t know you were French. And did I hear Chris Martin in there? Oh, and did the Thompson Twins sit in on “I wonder.” I’m sorry, it’s just been a long week. But listen, honestly, congratulations again on taking the stop spot and if you want to talk, you know where you can find me.

Love,

50

PS – If you do come by, could pick up a bottle of champagne on the way? That would be terrific. Oh, and some Bacard if it’s not too much trouble.

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