Monday, September 10, 2007

One last time

By special request, I’ve been asked to give my take on our good friend Bit Bit’s performance at the VMA’s last night. I didn’t watch them but with the magic of the internet I was able to catch the train wreck on mtv.com.

Sweet Jesus.

I can’t believe MTV didn’t bump her. Opening slot? I’d have been all like “yeah, Bit Bit, it’s not happening, hun. We’re gonna need to go ahead and get someone with….how should I put this….someone who still cares to be the one to open the show. Oh, and maybe someone who didn’t clearly just get off the couch an hour ago to come mosey around the stage and not be….how should I put this….entertaining.”

Folks, it looks like everything I said back in 2000 has come to pass. Well, except she’s not living in a trailer in rural Louisiana. Yet.

Give her time.

But I remember saying back then I just knew she would end up a crushed, lipstick-stained ciggy butt along the side of the road that is pop music. She just doesn’t have that Bowie-like quality to reinvent herself. Never did. There’s only so many times you can trot out in a “nasty school girl” uniform or variations of it and make it look hot.

She's like a train wreck.

Only like a train wreck that takes place in the switchyard and so there's lots of trains and they're all blowin' up and stuff and so you're all like "oh my god, which one do I watch? The car-wrecker? The random-guy bedder? The poor mother? The head-shaver? The rehab-goer? The washed-up performer."

Out of shape, knocked up like ten times by all manner of less-than-quality dudes, probably on and off pills and booze, and draggin’ her ass around a stage while only half of that ass manages to bother with lip-synching. To cap it all off, of course it took place in Vegas.

Night-night, Bit-Bit. You had a good run.

On the bright side, there’s still lots of cigs to be smoked, cars to be wrecked, kids to be made and later endangered in front seats and on hotel balconies, and prolly loads of buckets of fried chicken for mama to eat while she watches her stories.

3 Comments:

Blogger Tania Rochelle said...

Thanks, Howard!

10:04 PM  
Blogger minus five said...

wow. i just looked it up on youtube. it was kind of awful.

1:50 PM  
Blogger Howard said...

I read something to day speculating that it was Britney's revenge on MTV. That she took a dive, as it were. Hmm?

3:57 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home