Thursday, September 20, 2007

Prescription drug side effects that would make prescription drug ads way more awesome

• x-ray vision

• Horse-like speed

• Cat-like reflexes

• Endless wit

• Ambidexterity

• Ability to communicate with sea life via telepathic beams

• Ability to turn yourself into any of water's physical states. And any twin you may have can turn into any type of animal.

• Ability to do really hard word problems

• Increased vocabulary

• Night vision

• Ability to go ahead make all the phone calls you're always putting off

• A really great singing voice.

• Silky smooth hair with body and shine

• Restless legs. Legs so restless, in fact, that they allow you to kick 80+ yard field goals.


Blogger minus five said...

no kidding. i always get the crap side effects that don't give you any skills at all.

7:35 PM  
Blogger Howard said...

I just made it home in time for the Nightly News last night which as we all know is really just one long drug ad for old people. And people who want to spend less time in the bathroom and more time having fun!

7:49 PM  

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