Wednesday, September 26, 2007

A rabbit responds to all the cute little "...like rabbits" comments you've been making. And he's not happy. Well, as unhappy as a rabbit can be.


Thanks for coming, everybody. Seriously, you know how hard it is to get a sitter for that many kids? Not easy. So the reason I called you, right.

Look, here's the deal. For years we put up with it.  Your jokes, your Visa ads, your analogies—we kind of had to.  You know, given the whole "lack of oral communication skills" thing we're burdened with, we pretty much had no choice but to bite our tongues and let it go. That and we like biting our tongues. We're rabbits, not geniuses. We bite other stuff too. I'll get to that.

But that doesn't mean your comments hurt any less.

And—just so you know, just to set the record straight, just so we're clear—we rabbits do way more than just, you know, "that."

I mean, first of all there's the nibbling.  That's gotta account for at least half of our day.  Carrots don't chew themselves, mister. Or lettuce. I mean, lettuce doesn't chew itself. Not that carrots don't chew lettuce. Which of course they wouldn't. Because they can't.

Wow, I am really nervous. I'm making no sense. Sorry, it's just that I don't do alot of public speaking and...wow, is it hot out here? I think my fur is wet. Jeezers!

Moving on.

Then there's the sniffing thing.  Easily a quarter of every day is thrown away with that useless activity.  Oh, we have absolutely no idea what exactly it is we're sniffing for but that doesn't stop us from doing it. It's kind of fun, actually. Try it.

No? No interest?

Suit yourself. So what is that, what are we up to now? I'm really bad at math. Three-quarters of a day? Is that right?

Let's see what else do we do?

Hopping, of course. There's hopping. Hopping takes up a good amount of 3-4 hours. I mean, it's how we get around and all. Look, our back feet are like freakishly long compared to these little, teeny paws. Look at the difference. You can't get no good stride going with that action.

So yeah. That's about it: the life of a rabbit. Thanks for letting me clear that up.

Well, there's that and...you know, that other thing. There is that. We do alot of that. That is kind of true now that I think about it.

5 Comments:

Blogger Howard said...

Man, no matter what everone else thought, I thought that was hilarious. A little whacked out, but hilarious.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Howard said...

I agree with Howard. That shit was made funny, yo.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Howard said...

Thanks, guys. Ya'lls the best.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Tania Rochelle said...

Did you take too much Nyquil before you wrote that, Howard? And again, maybe, before you commented?

10:12 AM  
Blogger Howard said...

It was a stupid discussion from work that carried over to here. And then since no one commented on it, I figured someone should.

On a much deeper level, it's a very moving parable about stereotypes and how they hurt all of us.

Or perhaps it's just stupid and since someone didn't feel like writing about their pretty average Wednesday and boring you all with it they wrote about a rabbit.

You know how it is, Tania. They can't all be gold.

12:45 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home