Monday, October 01, 2007

K-Fed talks to the kids

Yo, yo, yo, what’s up? Now ya’ll may want to get a seat for this. Here, Sean, sit on this milk crate. And here, Preston, you can pimp this beanbag chair. I’ll take this cinder block.

Listen, here’s the deal. You guys are gonna be living with me from now on.

[Whimpering, the tears begin flowing]

Turns out yo mommy’s what we call in the biz, “a little whack.” Actually, she’s a lot whack. Like mad whack, yo. Check out my hand sign—that’s a “W” for “wiggity-whack!” You know she ain’t even gots a driver’s license? I’m fo realz, yo. She be straight trippin’!

But did that stop her from putting yo asses on her lap and driving you around all unprotected and shit? Hell no, it didn’t. That’s why daddy gonna be taking care of you shorties from now on. Here. In my joint. In my crib. In my one-bedroom, bottom floor apartment.

Word, right?! This is gonna be off the hizzy! Ain't no visitations or joint custody or none of that. Just me and my boyzzzzz.

[Lots and lots of crying. Explosive crying. Extremely loud. And screaming. Totally understandable, of course, but loud.]

Ah come on, my shorties. It ain’t gonna be that different here, B's.

Sure it’s a little smaller. And yeah, it ain’t got no pool or staff or multiple bedrooms or none of that. But on the plus side, that Criss Angel dude ain’t gonna be stoppin’ by and trying to pull any of his whack-ass magic tricks on you, neither. And I don’t even owns no car so ya’ll ain’t gots to worry about that. We gonna be pimpin’ the bus, yo!

At least until daddy new record drops! Ah-yeah! Straight up! Can I get a “what-what”!

[Crying, the likes of which you’ve never heard. Again, totally understandable. I mean, they’re now living with K-Fed. And they know there’s gonna be a new record!]

Now come on, get some chicken wings. And don’t be forgettin’ to get yo ass some of them celery sticks ‘cause my shorties need to be eatin’ yo greens!


Blogger GAPgirl81 said...

That's so funny. Seriously, my fav is: "Preston, you can pimp that beanbag chair".

10:36 AM  
Blogger a/ok said...

chicken wangs for airy-buddy, you crack me up!

5:14 PM  
Blogger Howard said...

And ya'll be dippin' 'em in that blue cheese, yo! My shorties gots to be gettin' yo dairy servins!

Check the pyramid! Yo asses need 2-3 servin's a day, B!

5:48 PM  

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