Thursday, October 23, 2008

Change

This is a little video Deutsch did recently after throwing out the net and finding that a lot of people were making a change of their own when it came to voting in this election.

Hard to argue with them given the path McCain's people chose for him. The poor bastard. This was it for him.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Just so you know...

Wasilla ain't what she's cracked up to be.

Just something to think about before putting that woman in the #2 slot. I'm just sayin'.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Dear Red States,


We've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a whole lot of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up eventually, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can't serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Love and kisses,

California


(Thanks to Kory for sending this to me. I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner.)

Thursday, October 09, 2008

This is what we've become


God help us.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

More thoughts on the "rescue"

I'm obviously not an economist. I'm a writer who's only really knowledgeable about what I'm paid to be knowledgeable about. And a couple other things. But I got an email the other day from Whitney who got it from someone who works in the investment biz and it kind of made sense to me in terms of where I stand.

In short, I'm happy to help keep the economy going and keep companies afloat with some sort of cash outlay. But I also realize our position here (ie, you and me). We're what they call an "investor of last resort" which means the deal/loan we give any troubled businesses better be pretty goddamn sweet for us—and with a lot of upside. Again, it's not our (taxpayers') fault that these businesses found themselves in this mess. We just happen to have the money, they just happen to be screwed and we are being asked to make a very risky investment. We should get something out of it. That "plan" the other day sounded like charity. Like you and everyone else, I'm not in a real charitable mood right now.

Here is an excerpt from the email:

"Look at what Buffett did with Goldman Sachs. He made a $5bn investment at what looks like an attractive valuation, he got preferred stock so his money gets out before any other equity holder, he gets a 10% interest rate, and 100% warrant coverage in the money. That's the kind of deal the investor of last resort gets."

That's the kind of deal we should be getting.

Too bad we've got a group of third graders over in Washington who can't shut up long enough to do something. You're all like at least 50 something years old!!!!! Grow up and get along!!!! If you were a company, you'd be like the worst company to work for ever*!!!!

* Crack Whore Temps, Inc. is still the actual worst company to work for