Thursday, October 14, 2010

The 10 types of Facebook users

This will likely be an ongoing series but to start it off, here are the ten people I've been seeing pop up a lot lately. At least in my little feed. Probably in yours too. If you haven't hid them already, of course.

The Complainer
We’re all friends with this guy. And shocker of all shockers, he’s disgruntled about something. It could be a band or a website or a logo or a ball of yarn—he's not particular. He's just not happy and he's gonna go out of his way to make sure you know it.  At least a few times a day. As my mom used to say, if you can’t say something nice…

The TMI’er
You know this person. We all know this person. They’ve got kids and they want you to have them too. Poops and pees and nosebleeds and sleepless nights—they wanna talk about all of it. They're tired, they're grumpy, they haven't had adult time in ages—it's no wonder they're making bad decisions like posting how little Johnny's nose has been running like a garden hose for 24 hours straight. Gross.

The Fisher
"Julie is sad." "Rich is missing someone." "Tina is crushed by this news." Well, shut my mouth! Do tell us what it is! We’re dying to know. No, really. We are. We’re on the edge of our seats. That’s what you wanted, right?

The Sportie
This man has got little else going on other than his team. I’m not talking about a quick mention of his team on Saturday or Sunday or when something big happens. I’m talking a “Bucs are gonna kill it this year!” on a Tuesday. In May. At 8 in the morning. You know him. We all do. He’s got little else going on.

The Jesus Freak
When they’re not praying, they’re on Facebook. And if they’re not clicking on “If god has touched your life, press like,” they’re joining the “George Bush was sent to us by God” club. And for the love of God, they post enough scripture to turn the 'Book into the Bible. Is it Sunday where you live? ‘Cause here it’s still Thursday. Let’s take the Jesus talk down a hair, whatdaya say?

The Quoter
I like a good inspirational quote as much as the next guy but come on. This guy gives you three, four, five of these a day. Like a Tony Robbins, this one. Lombardi and Churchill and Jesus and Reagan. Here’s a quote for ya: be original. Just sayin’.

The Gamer
AKA “just got hid because all they do all day is play Farmville, Mafia Wars, Bejeweled Blitz, Café World or some other sad sack games.”

The Pyramider
You may not be friends with this person but I am. Here’s the deal: they’re a part of one of those “I made $25,000 last month simply buying and selling real estate and you can do it too!” schemes and want to motivate you to find success too! I’m good, man. But thanks for the hot tip.

The Overfriender
10-15 new friends a day is a drop in the bucket for this little cyber gadabout. 2,367 friends and still motorin’! And she knows all of them! Sure ya do, honey. Sure ya do.

The Silent Partner
They quietly joined in 2009 and haven’t been heard from since. Literally. Their profile picture is still the default blue and white guy and they’ve got 73 friends.

The Too Cool
We’ve all got that one friend. He never joined. Could be for philosophical reasons. Could be he’s one of those “I don’t like computers” people. Could be Wynona Ryder. Could be they’ve got something better to do with their time. Hard to say.


Blogger Sherry said...

This post is so hilarious! I'm still kinda new at FB but I've already encountered each of these users!

9:08 AM  

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