Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Olympic Jungle Gym

I've been watching a ton of Olympics the past couple of weeks in between marveling at that precious little jockey, Bob Costas. We've seen some swimming, some running, some gymnastics, some rowing and some volleyball but there's one thing we haven't seen:

Olympic Jungle Gym

This guy's got a hunger for gold. Do you? 

Think about it. Then look at that kid up there for second. Look at the fire in his eyes. You wanna be the one to tell him it's all just for play? You wanna be the one to extinguish his dream of sticking it to the Chinese with a routine for the ages?

I don't.

That's why I'd watch the hell out of some Olympic Jungle Gym.

Now I ain't talking about some kiddie playground model either. I'm talking about grown-ass adults gettin' straight up loose on a legit jungle gym—a big one. We're talking like 20 feet high, 30 foot across. And not just some yahoos either—elite athletes swinging crazy all up underneath it, over the top of it, probably throwing some sweet-ass combinations and pikes and scissor kicks and stuff—it'd be like thunderdome up in that piece. And maybe instead of one person in there, there's two people just going nuts like those motorcycle-of-death people at the circus. Or hell, maybe two teams are going at it at the same time, just limbs swinging wildly in a battle to the gold. I don't know. I haven't met with the IOC yet but trust me when I say a sixer and a full night of Olympics coverage can lead to a pretty fair amount of creativity when it comes to conjuring up a new sport.

Think it over, America. If you love high flying action and childhood playground apparati, you'll love Olympic Jungle Gym.

Besides, it's not any dumber than floor exercise or that dancing with a ribbon shit they do.


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