Thursday, August 09, 2012

This pretty much sums it up

I stayed out of the whole dust up over the Chick-Fil-A thing a couple of weeks ago for a couple of reasons:

One, the kind of people who wait in lines to eat fast food to reward a business for intolerant views aren't likely to be swayed no matter what is said so just let 'em go.

And two, we ain't got Chick-Fil-A in New York so all this talk about them just makes me hungry for something I can't get. (Editors note: I love myself that spicy chicken sandwich. Or the original. I don't judge. There's a little lesson for ya!)

But then the other day I was cruising the ol' Facebook and saw something one of my high school "friends" had posted that was so unaware and so idiotic, I had to grab it and show it you good people.

See what she did there? 
Apparently her anniversary to her super duper husband was July 31st. Then the next day, on August 1st, she took her kids to Chick-Fil-A to teach them a little lesson on how no one who's born attracted to the same sex should ever be allowed to experience the kind of happiness she did. 
She probably hid it behind it being "unnatural" or whatever but what her and all those other self-righteous people are really saying is you don't get to share your life with someone you love the way I get to. You'll just have to live without someone to wake up next to every morning. You don't get to travel the world with someone or experience the joy of raising children together or be able to be there when one of you is dying in a hospital room. The person you love most, with whom you spent your entire life isn't legally able to be there when you need them most. And you don't get to experience what it feels like to walk into a party and hear everyone you love shout "they're here!" 
What they're saying is that true happiness—the kind that comes from sharing your life with someone you truly love—is reserved for those of us who chose to be attracted to the opposite sex. 
I get it. Sure, what gay people do in the privacy of their own homes—well let's be honest, more likely their sweet-ass loft apartment downtown—might seem icky to you. But isn't what all other people do kind of icky? 
Think about your boss or the organist at church or your dry cleaner or that guy at the gas station. Think about them getting it on with their spouse. Pretty gross, right? I'll admit that the thought of all those people lined up at Chick-Fil-A having sex makes me a little woozy. It's not like all straight sex is Brad and Angelina and all gay sex is two Paul Giamiti's. We're all a little gross. 
But then there's always the silver bullet: "it's in the Bible." A lot of stuff is in the Bible. Also, a lot of beautiful stuff didn't make it in the Bible. Stuff like the Rocky Mountains, the curve of the Pacific Coast at sunset, the Beatles, the house you grew up in, your first kiss, Mexican food, refrigerated beer, seat warmers, high-speed quad lift chairs, the Sea Ray 270 SLX, and New York City. 
The point is, Facebook was cooler back in 2007 when people like her were still just forwarding emails. 


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