Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Get in the conga line

Come on, get up. Grab onto my hips and get in the conga line. What’s that, you’re gonna grab another cocktail and maybe see who’s at the bar? Not while this conga line is snaking around Ballroom B of the goddamn Galleria Marriott, you’re not.  On your feet. Now. Non-negotiable. No, you're not gonna "catch up." You're gonna get in this damn line and conga like you've never conga'd. Listen, do you think Gloria Estefan joined up with the goddamn Miami Sound Machine so you could use their music to go to try and scare up some tail? Every asshole at this reception is out there doing his best to shake a goddamn leg. You know Uncle Larry ain't got but the one good one after that goddamn sprinkler-shaped-like-a-tractor debacle. Did you know that Gloria Estefan was in a goddamn bus accident outside Scranton once? Yeah, got whaled by a motherloving semi truck in a blinding snow storm in the dark of winter, 1990. She spent months in rehab. Months of hard work. Just god awful pain and suffering. She was at the top of her game and then WHAMMO! Taken out by a blasted semi truck. I’d like to find that guy and take a tire iron straight up his....listen, this is Aunt Janet’s special day. I'm not gonna get into it and take away from that. But you know what Gloria Estefan did after she got all fixed up? She hooked herself right back up to the Miami Sound Machine and she let that rhythm get her. Yeah, she grabbed its hips and she conga’d her ass right back out there. Oh sure, her work was never the same. I mean there were a couple of greatest hits packages and a television appearance now and then and finally she drifted into the Latino market and, well, I'll be completely honest with you. I don’t know what became of her. Being a pop star is a tough job. I do hope she's well. 'Cause she's a goddamn national treasure. Even if she is Cuban or from Miami or whatever. But I tell you one thing, if she were here right now you know where she'd be? That's right, she’d be right up front leading this goddamn conga line. So come on, get up and grab onto my hips. And get in the conga line. 


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