Monday, August 25, 2014

That’s not Good for Anyone

ISIS is a mobile payment service that allows users to pay with their mobile phones at retail locations across the US on machines that look like the one below. Oh, it’s also the name of an Islamic terrorist group based in Iraq and Syria. 
Alright team, thanks for huddling up on such short notice but as you might have heard on the news, we currently share our company name with the largest, most well organized terrorist organization in the world.

I know, I know. We’re in a tight spot.

Are we pioneers in the mobile payment sector allowing customers to make in-store purchases quickly and securely using their mobile devices? Yes. Do we also share our name with an organization that recently released a video of the decapitation of an innocent American journalist? Also yes.

Clearly, we’ve got some challenges.

Are retailers around the country hungry for smart solutions in the mobile payment sector, solutions that we’ve worked tirelessly to develop, finance and bring to market? You know it. Is ISIS hungry for the death of infidels everywhere including all Americans? You better believe it.

They don’t teach this stuff in business school.

The good news is no one provides smarter technology for seamless transactions at the point of sale than we do. The bad news is when prospective clients search for us a terrorist organization that mercilessly kills innocent people in their quest to form an Islamic state currently tops the results.

That’s not good for business.

So we need a new name. So come on, let’s spitball some ideas. Just hit me with the first thing that pops in your head.

“Knot Z Payment Systems. The final solution.”

Ok. It’s a start. What else?

“Jonestown. Pay like the Kool kids.”

Alright, no wrong answers here. A little cult-y though.

“Al Kyda Tech. Paying is a blast!”

Let’s stay focused now. Think hi-tech. And not terrorist.

“Heaven’s Payments. Ride the comet.”

Getting really cult-y again but keep ‘em coming.

“Manson Mobile. Payment worth Sharin’.”

Maybe there are some wrong answers. What else?

“Tally Ban. Pay our way or else.”

Ok, not my favorite but keep spitting ‘em out.

“Gee Hod. Death to paying any other way.”

Ok, you know what, let’s just stop there for the day. I think we might need to just sleep on this.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha! I used to read your blog years ago and was very nice in my frequent remarks, but you always ignored EVERY comment I ever made. Thus it is with satisfaction that I see you are now writing, apparently, into a total void with zero readers. Or at least no one gives a damn to comment .... except this criticism from someone you clearly felt you were way too good to interact with.

Hubris, baby.

10:59 AM  

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